Daniel: Our guest today is Mark Phelps. He is the son of the late pastor Fred W. Phelps, Sr. Fred Phelps was the founder of Westboro Baptist Church, a group known for their thousands of picket protests against the US Military and the homosexual agenda. Mark Phelps has come forward to testify about what it was like to be inside of the church and the process of healing he had to go through in order to overcome the negative impact his father had on him and his family.
Please speak candidly about what it was like to grow up with your dad and what made him tick. What was it like in the early days of your childhood?
Mark: I would say fear is the dominate experience. My first memory is when I was five years old and I remember being frightened because my mother had gone to have the next baby. I just remember being upset and scared and somehow I had figured out the phone number and I called her after my father had left the house. I was not smart enough to figure out where he was and that he had gone to visit my mother in the hospital. I called her at the hospital and I was crying and told her I was upset and asked her when she was coming back home. In the middle of my conversation with my mother my father took the phone; of course he had gone to visit her; and he told me “what the blankety blank do you think you are doing calling here bothering your mother?! You are going to catch it when I get home”. When he got home he gave me a beating. He used a leather strap at that time which he got at the local barber shop. He went through three leather straps beating his children.
By the time I was nine my father had purchased a mattock. A mattock it an instrument that has a steel or iron head on it and it is used to remove the roots of bushes and trees from below the surface when you want to rid your yard of a bush or a small tree. My father had purchased it because he wanted my older brother and I to remove sixty plus bushes that were on our property. This is what led to his decision; his bright idea; to use the mattock handle to beat his children. He started off beating my older brother and I with it, and my older sisters. But the main development from his beginning to use the mattock handle is that by the time my younger brother, Nathan, was about five years old, he began beating Nate with the mattock handle. It’s about the size of a baseball bat. One hit with the mattock handle on your back side stings and burns and hurts and shoots pain all through your body. But my father rejoiced in giving fifteen, twenty, thirty, forty hits at a time. The worst I remember for my brother Nate was 120 hits. Following that beating, my brother Nate was in the bed for about five days and was going in and out of consciousness.
So it was brutal, it was frightening, it was terrifying and it was Sunday morning and Sunday evening in the church service where he would use the Word of God to preach.
This generally characterizes our family experience and it got progressively worse as I got older and some of the children began to have a little more independence.
Daniel: What does a five year old do to push their dad to give them a beating like your dad would give to you and your siblings?
Mark: Well it was anything that was against his will, or if he was under stress or upset. That was all it had to do with. As I look back on it and understand my early years more broadly, it was just who my father was. His behavior was not about the children. It was not about my mother; my mother was a peaceful, quiet, gentle soul. My father would beat my mother, he would beat us; clearly his behavior was about who he was as a person, it was not about his children and his wife. If we did not do exactly what he wanted and if we didn’t do it when he wanted, and if we didn’t do it the way he wanted it, his response was habitually harsh, rapid, cruel and violent. This is the best way to characterize my father’s behavior.
Daniel: So, you are growing up in this environment, and you would watch your father do these things throughout the week, and then you would have to be in church on Sunday listening to him preach. Was he a preacher throughout your entire childhood or did he become a pastor at some point?
Mark: No, not at some point. My father was a pastor before I was born. He had already been set up in his own church by the time I was about a year old. And he was intense; the same voice that the public would hear now days, before he passed away; it was that same intense voice. He was a fiery preacher.
Daniel: Now, when we hear stories like this, the question becomes: ‘What makes a person like that?’ When you see somebody that says ‘well, I’m going to dedicate my life to the gospel of Jesus Christ’ you think the motivation should be that they have the heart of Jesus Christ. They want people to be saved, healed and delivered. Well, it doesn’t seem like that was really present in your father, from the kind of person you are describing here. What went in to making your father who he was? I mean, did he have an overbearing father figure as well? Was it just that he went to a bad school system, maybe, and he was bullied all the time? I mean, what was there that caused him to go this route?
Mark: Well Daniel that local Topeka newspaper sent two reporters to Meridian and Porterville, Mississippi, to the area where my father was born and raised. They learned a lot of things but nothing that would clearly explain his behavior. My father lost his mother when he was five years old. His father had an outstanding reputation in the local community. His mother was, by all reports, a wonderful Christian woman who played the piano and, like I said, passed away when my father was five. I just have not been able to find the direct cause of his behavior.
One thing that kind of factors in here, my father’s father told my father that if he is going to be in a fight he needs to kick the other person in the shin as hard as he could, hit the other person in the mouth as hard as he could. And keep on hitting and keep on kicking! Whatever else my father’s father taught, that is certainly one of the things my father learned from his father. My father repeated this and told this story several times. My father was also a boxer in high school, and maybe early college, and I heard he had won some significant fights in competition.
But there is not anything that explains my father’s behavior other than the fact that every person has to make their own choices, everybody makes their own decisions. Everybody has, to a large extent, the responsibility to make their own choices. The Lord allows that for each of us. I don’t have any other information or anything else I have ever been able to learn to explain why my father made the choices that he made. But this is how my father was!
Daniel: Now, did your father play favorites, as a father? Did he have a certain one of you that he put on a pedestal and then punish the others around that one or was it pretty universal that everybody caught it when he was in a bad mood or just found someone who wasn’t doing exactly what he wanted?
Mark: Well, my father never played favorites. There was never anybody that felt more favored. His favorites for beating were my sister Katherine and my brother Nathan. Everybody else got more of an equal amount of his abuse. My brother Nathan experienced extraordinary, extreme abuse over a long period of time; for years and years, for at least 12 years of his life. Also, there were some specific experiences with my older brother Fred Jr. and my sister Katherine who is one-year younger than I am that involved extreme abuse. There was a specific period of time as they were coming of age where my father did some of his most outrageous, extreme, brutal abusing. But most of the time, any time any of us would not do what he expected; whether he had communicated his expectations or not; if my father was unhappy or did not like what he saw, that’s when things would happen, which was quite regular.
Daniel: What was it like growing up with your mom in this household; how did your dad treat her; how did you guys relate to your mom?
Mark: Well, she was more . . . you might describe her more accurately as being one of the children, in terms of the way my father related to and abused her. My father would beat our mother also. One time he through our mother down the stairs and, in trying to catch herself as she fell, she pulled her right arm out of socket. Then in the months and years following this event, when my father would be upset at her, or just upset, he would reach for her bad arm. I do not even know the number of times my mother suffered a dislocated shoulder; at least 6 or 8 times.
Another general characteristic of where our mother fit into the picture; she would try to keep little offenses and daily events that would happen that she knew he would not be happy with; she tried to do some of that kind of hiding and keeping information from him. Unless there was something specific that one of the kids had done, our mother was usually the first and main person to receive our father’s abuse. Our father would rage and curse and scream and beat her. If our father was beating one of the children and our mother got too frightened, she’d try to interfere and he would curse her and turn his attention to her and beat her or hit her in the face, then turn his attention even more intensely back on one of the kids. So it was a mutual war zone for her together with us. I just don’t know how it changed after I left after age 19. I know at some point there appears to have been a lessening of the abuse toward the family.
But for all the time I was there, and have memory, this is how it was. He would empty the refrigerator, throwing things about the room and against the walls; mustard and ketchup and mayonnaise (glass bottles in those days) and whatever might happen to have been the leftovers in the fridge. Then he would just leave the mess for others to clean up when he got done throwing his fit. I mean it was just a very difficult environment. My father was not raging 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but it was difficult for us to hide the stains and the holes in the walls. I mentioned earlier, we lived in the same building structure where the church auditorium was and the children were required to clean it every Saturday in preparation for Sunday services. We had a difficult time hiding the holes in the wall when he would have just thrown a rage the precious week. The children and our mother, we were the ones who knew that on the other side of the walls or the door, there was a hole in the door or a hole in the wall. Or there was stain on the wall.
And of course, with my dad, also we were taught very rigid, fundamental beliefs. One teaching was women are not supposed to cut their hair. I remember when I was eleven years old, returning home from school one afternoon, and my mother called me upstairs. She was sitting on the side of the bath tub upstairs in their bedroom. I had been looking for her and was calling out to her. I finally found her sitting up in her bedroom and she had a towel on her head. And apparently that day . . . she looked at me with pursed lips and ripped the towel down off of her head and her hair was chopped close, all the way down to the scalp and maybe as long as two inches in other parts. Apparently at some point during that day, while we were away at school, our father had gone into one of his rages and our mother did not respond the way he thought she should. My father accused her of not being in subjection to him and he cut her hair off. My mother was abused as much or more; I would put three children ahead of her; otherwise, my mother probably got more abuse than any of the rest of us, other than those three. Other than these three, my mother got most of my father’s abuse.
Daniel: Now I have to ask this question . . . you know, we have statistics for women that are battered. There is this balance where, on the one hand, we see in the Bible certain messages like God hates divorce, and these kinds of things. But then we have situations like this where it is such extreme abuse and it is destructive. The relationship is destructive. It is unsafe, for both the woman and the children, it is destructive. How have you reconciled the balance between some of the things the Bible says and what you witnessed your mom go through as you were growing up? How has that shaped your thoughts on these tough questions?
Mark: Well, first let me answer that question directly. And I hope anybody listening will make no mistake about this! The Lord says in His word, men are to love their wives as Christ loves His church. Hardly ever do these so-called fundamentalists, when they are preaching, do they get to that part of the Bible. They get to the part about wives being in subjection, Daniel, but somehow they have blinders on or somehow they just don’t happen to get to that part of the Bible where it clearly instructs men to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it; and to love their wives as they love their own bodies! It is absolutely and unmistakably; I am saying this as an adult at my age today, I am saying this as clearly as I know how to say it; abuse of women is absolutely and unmistakably . . . UNACCEPTABLE for a man to abuse a women!
You are not going to get perfection from a man, but when the situation gets to the point where the pattern is clear and the verbal abuse starts to evolve into physical abuse, I say it needs to stop right there. Ideally, way before marriage or even serious dating, women must learn to season any man they are going to get involved with and spend any significant amount of time with FOR AT LEAST A YEAR before they are allowed to have anything to do with you other than spending time together getting to know one another. I know this is not realistic so let’s get to the reality of it.
So let’s say you are a woman in a relationship, and you have children, and you are being beaten and you feel there is no hope. There is no question about the fact . . . there is hope, especially in today’s world. You have got to get out of that relationship and you have got to find a way to get those children safe, and that man has to take accountability for his own behavior or he is not to be around his wife and children. The church body ought to be able to help with this. But there are resources today that will allow her to get safe.
The other thing I wanted to say, to clarify. There was still no excuse for it in 1963, but my mother was unable to get away from my father. Maybe there was a reason for not getting away from my father. I still say my mother in this situation was responsible to get her children away from this abuser; the children were not. The adult should have done something. My mother should have done something.
When I was 9 years old my mother had me pile the vehicle that we had, high with clothes and then the kids sat in on top of those clothes on a Saturday afternoon at about 4:00 o’clock. My father had fallen asleep to take a nap after one of his rages. I had hope for a few hours. My mother told us all to get in the car and she drove from Topeka to Kansas City to her sister’s place. But at about 2:00 in the morning, Sunday morning, my mother had a conversation with my father on the phone and we were back at the house of abuse by about 4:00 a.m. Sunday morning. And my father did his same normal dogmatic preaching at 11:00 a.m. Sunday morning as if all was normal. That was the only time we ever had even a scent of a bit of hope of getting out of there.
But today it is different. Today there are shelters and safe houses. My wife has a master’s degree and she works primarily with abused women. I know there are ways, today, to get away and get safe. And I strongly urge anybody who is being abused to get away from the abuser and get your children safe. I am not saying to walk out at the drop of a hat. I am not saying take your marriage vows lightly, I am not saying to be irresponsible; this isn’t a license to destroy families. But if the marriage and the family have any chance of surviving then the relationship has to change and the man’s abuse of the woman must stop! And you have to use your leverage to get the abuse to stop. And if the man still doesn’t do something to take responsibility for his own behavior and stop mistreating his wife and his children, then that may be the end of the marriage. But something needs to change. You can’t just sit there in that situation and do nothing!
Daniel: Those are powerful words, and the truth of the matter is, there may be someone out there, someone listening to this program . . . you need to hear what’s being said right now. And there are little ones whose safety may be in your hands.
You know, I remember reading an account of the pinnacle of how we can get things wrong. There was a woman in a church whose husband was an upstanding citizen, made a good amount of money, and who was extremely abusive to his wife. She was trying to get some help and she went to the pastor of the church and the pastor, not wanting to get into it with the woman’s husband, or cause any kind of thing, just basically read her the riot act and said: ‘listen, you are called to submit to your husband; just pray for him and it will be fine’. And her spirit was broken from that day forward and she just continued to submit to her husband’s heavy beatings and then the day came; and this is what she was told by her pastor. She was told that ‘you staying in this situation brings glory to God’. Well, you tell me how much glory God got when she died and her husband went to jail for manslaughter because he killed his wife in a beating! This is what actually happened. And the reason why she stayed was because, well, her pastor told her that by staying, she was bringing glory to God. Folks that did not bring glory to God! That broke God’s heart! And you know, this is a problem and I’m so glad you are willing to talk about this Mark, to speak to it and to be open and candid about it. It really hurts me that people have had religion used to put them in situations that are the exact opposite of healing and deliverance and salvation. It is just heart breaking.
End of “Second Radio Interview – Part 1”
I am Mark Phelps, the second son of the late Fred W. Phelps Sr. of Topeka, Kansas. After years of learning, and a prolonged journey of healing, I have decided to describe my life experiences growing up with Fred, and my journey of healing. I have learned that truth is very healing and freeing, and for those who have experienced abuse yourself, I hope my journey of healing may be helpful to you.
Showing posts with label Husbands Love Your Wives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Husbands Love Your Wives. Show all posts
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Cutting Through The Opposition
I have what is called a type ‘A’ personality. As a young man I would eat my food within 60 seconds, whatever it was. What was the point of slowing down? I had things to do! Two things characterized my life. One was time management with an accompanying impatience with not being able to “manage” it enough, and the other was a free floating hostility. I didn’t want to waste time with things I considered trivial. I was driven and impatient. I routinely upset people and often hurt my wife. I ran over people like a steam roller! I don’t say this to brag, though I would have possibly bragged in the past. I say this as a way of telling you how God has worked in my life to change me.
Over the years God has gradually changed my behavior. These changes have come mostly through what I’ve learned in the difficulties and struggles of my life. Some hard fought battles in my life have helped me to have the ability to better control my personality and I would even say have changed my personality.
I believe God truly gave me a gift through the crucible of my failures, struggles, disappointments and difficulties. For those of you who know my abuse history let me explain this part. Much of what was done to me in the form of physical and mental abuse was just evil. And God truly hates evil. So while God never sanctioned someone else’s evil as being a change agent in my life, I have learned so much from God as I have struggled through my life. And it was God who truly helped me change as I went through a very long healing process.
I am talking about the kind of struggles and difficulties that hit hard and kept hitting and kicking and striking me in my heart and my body, and they keep hitting and kicking me over and over in ways that seem to never stop. For those of you who have been abused, you know how it feels to let go and move past the horrible aftermath of abuse. And if you’re like me, you can understand how often I pleaded with the Lord to change certain circumstances and situations in my life and His answer has continued to be a clear ‘No’.
But I hope to explain how I understand this “no” from God. I see that He has allowed me to live out my life day by day having to lean on Him instead of having the instantaneous resolution to my problems that I wanted. God instead allowed me to go through the difficult journey of healing that most of us from long-term abuse have to go through.
I have read the Apostle Paul repeatedly in my lifetime and he is one of my heroes. Both a powerful teacher and preacher and yet very tender hearted toward those who were going through difficult circumstances. Paul had something he repeatedly asked God to take away from him in the form of some difficult circumstance. Like Paul, God’s answer to my pleading for deliverance has been: “My grace is sufficient for you. For my strength is made perfect in weakness!” In Paul’s case and in my case, we learned amazing things about God in having been left to actually live through our difficult circumstances. I believe we both became much better men for it. And we had to learn to rely on God all the time to get through.
This is how I understand God’s grace: Grace is the hand of God working in my heart and life circumstances so that I have His strength to endure tough things with patient joyfulness. And let’s be real, on some days just to endure! I believe God will give me, in whatever my circumstances, the strength I need to allow His grace to work in my life. And this is a gift in my life. Grace is a big concept and it has worked out in my life in a whole lot of ways. Sometimes it’s come in my ability to keep breathing and take the next step. Sometimes it has been in my ability to accept help from another human being when my perpetrator told me seeking help was a weakness. Sometimes that grace has come in seeing a baby smile or a flower grow in the desert and realize that there are little joys that come with each day.
And whenever this gift of grace comes in my life I have gradually learned to accept it and submit to whatever circumstance is in front of me and accept the beautiful good He can bring from that circumstance. Part of what I’ve learned is that God keeps being faithful and getting me through tough times so I’ve learned to be less fearful when a new one comes along. I’ve come to understand God can give me the power to deal with the circumstance and the grace to move through it, and that the grace is truly from His hand. And it’s definitely not just me “gutting it through.”
I often will keep pleading and seeking a different answer from God as escape from the pain of a difficult situation. I don’t think God minds in the least that I do this! But in the mean time I accept and submit to the circumstances at hand. Instead of complaining and being filled with anger. I tell the Lord while I wait for Him I need His grace so I can keep perspective. Often I think of that verse that says “We don’t have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do.” So routinely as I am going through experiences I am thanking God for His help in real time. He really is giving me what I need to take each step. I have seen this through experience. I am not just saying this because it sounds good!
Does this mean that God’s grace will always stop the trial or difficulty? No, that’s not the promise. The promise is: “My grace is sufficient because my strength is made perfect in your weakness.” Notice the weakness often remains. God will give us the strength to endure the trial and let it work its perfect work.
James, a Bible author, says: “My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy.” Now that can only happen when you receive the grace of God in to your situation. James goes on to say: “because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need.” The strength of Christ is made real in my life in the midst of my weaknesses. Oh how this flies in the face of the world’s system of thinking! The world sees weakness not as a sign of victory but a sign of failure. But in the kingdom of God, being weak physically gives God an opportunity to really advance His purposes in our lives. Or it could be weak emotionally, or weak in any way that causes us to have to rely on someone outside our circumstances, and especially on God. That is a hard statement! It means you have to humble yourself and let God orchestrate what you cannot.
James also says: “Blessed is the man who endures temptation for when he has been approved he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” This crown of life is given at the end of life on earth when we see Him face to face.
Paul says: “Therefore most gladly I will boast in my weaknesses . . .” Paul made the decision, by faith, to embrace His weaknesses. Does this mean it is a lack of faith? No! His faith was strong in the Lord. But he said: ‘alright, if you are not going to take this away, Lord, then I want to learn everything about you in the midst of this. I want to learn every facet of who You are. I want to know what this strength is all about. What this power of Christ resting upon me is all about.’ Paul made a decision! “Most gladly therefore I will boast in my weaknesses.” Paul was willing to do the difficult work to bring about the best end.
So what are your weaknesses today? What things are going on right now in your life that you see as weaknesses? Are they physical weaknesses? Do you have disabilities or deformities? Do you have a debilitating disease or sickness that is not being healed? Are your weaknesses emotional? Do you suffer from bouts of depression or tend to always see the world in a negative mindset? Are you regularly seeing yourself through the verbal abuse you grew up with, battling it all the time? Or maybe your weaknesses are relational. It seems that no matter who you strike up a friendship with no one will allow you to get close with them. Or vice versa. Or perhaps you have experienced an unbearable loss which could never be compensated for in this life and the pain is never ending! No matter in what way God chooses to answer your prayers in these matters, one thing is certain. His grace is sufficient for you. It really is.
Paul says “this thorn in the flesh (this difficulty) was given to me as a gift. Most gladly then; I take pleasure in…” Something clicked in Paul where he saw that this power of Christ resting upon him was worth the sufferings . . . it was a decision on his part to make that statement. This is one of the hardest decisions to make! The Bible says once we belong to Christ that we are put to death on the cross with Christ, and I do not live anymore—it is Christ who lives in me. I still live in my body, but I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself to save me.” Some folks called it the “crucified” life because our old sin nature is put on the cross. What this means is our sin nature is going to end up on the cross a little bit every day . . . with our permission. And our help! But with the Lord right in the middle of that with His grace. It is not anymore that my life will be for ‘my benefit, my good feelings but it is whatever you want Lord. I ask God’s help to allow me to submit to His work in my life because the glory at the end is worth the temporary suffering. The strongest step of faith for me is to surrender and submit to the Lord in this way.
Paul mentions five areas of hardship that were going on in his life in his description of his suffering. And eventually Paul got to the point in his life where he embraced these five areas. But he did this all for Christ and not because of a lack of wisdom or a lack of tact on his part. Let’s look at the five areas.
Weaknesses for Christ’s sake! Physical afflictions that we have no control over. They include sicknesses, diseases, deformities . . . any weakness in our bodies. Paul said he was going to ask God for His strength and His grace in his infirmities.
Disgrace for Christ’s sake! This could include slander of character, malice on the part of others misrepresenting our motives, rejection by those you love.
Needs for Christ’s sake! These needs come as a result of choosing to live a godly life in Christ Jesus. It may include being written out of the will because you became a believer in Christ. It may have to do with the hardship or real lack in your life that comes in the midst of obeying what God has set before you to do. There are times because of the economy or some other reason you lose your job. And all of a sudden you are faced with desperate need and your family’s needs are at stake and there is this tremendous pressure on you. Wait a second. God said “My grace is sufficient for you.” Hold the line. Look to God. Is God really in charge of your future or is it just people? If God is in charge of your future and you have lost your job, God will help you find a way. He is not surprised by this circumstance in your life. He is not puzzled. He knows what to do. So you have to trust Him and say ‘okay God give me your grace to patiently and joyfully endure and keep my focus on you.’
Persecutions for Christ’s sake! Sometimes this happens! The Bible says “All who live a godly life in Christ Jesus WILL suffer persecution. When you make a decision to really obey the word of God, even when it is difficult, you are going to end up being persecuted eventually by someone because you are going to end up eventually having to take a stand that is going to be unpopular. It could mean the loss of a relationship. It could mean trouble, physical persecution, physical attack and harm. Something may be done to you which causes you complete upheaval in your life.
Distresses for Christ’s sake! This has to do with the dangers and pressures that come against you while you seek to do what is right in God’s sight according to His word. You stand up and blow the whistle and say ‘wait a minute that’s not right, you can’t be doing that, that’s illegal.’ And someone says ‘you keep quiet or you lose your job.’ That’s a press. That’s a stress. What do you do? “My grace is sufficient for you, do not fear.” Walk in love and do what is right.
Paul says: “I take pleasure in weaknesses, disgrace, needs, persecutions and distresses because I get to watch what God is going to do.” Isn’t that what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount? To rejoice, jump for joy, spin around in joy when you are persecuted for His name’s sake for so were the prophets persecuted before you. Blessed are you when men persecute you, say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake. We have to learn that God’s grace is sufficient. We have to stop complaining and say: ‘okay God I’m going to take a different strategy because I want the real deal. I don’t want to play church. I want the real deal! If you say your grace is sufficient then you are going to have to show me what that means. And I’m asking you. I’m coming to your throne of grace to find mercy and grace in time of need. So Lord, show me what that is!’
What does it look like when the strength of Christ is working in us? We find that no matter what the matter is it does not take out our hope. We are confident of His hand being with us, His presence never leaving us, and His ability to take care of our future. And this becomes a witness to the world of God’s glory. Not because we have no problems but precisely because we do. And we walk through them in a unique way because God is stepping through each day with us.
This reminds me of what Paul spoke about when writing to the Philippians. "I want you brothers and sisters to know that what has happened to me has helped to spread the Good News." Philippians 1:12
The word "spread" is an interesting word used here. The Greek word used for spread is "Prokope. "Pro” means forward and “Kopto” means to cut. It could mean something like a pioneer cutting his way through thick brush. We might picture in our military, the Seabees plowing through the obstacles to make way for an outpost or runway for planes. You might say cutting through the opposition.
Here we have Paul with his liberty gone, chained to a guard continually. In a way you could say he was fenced in. He was limited and handicapped. Paul's circumstances were not at all desirable.
But he says that these circumstances have actually turned out to be cutting through the opposition.
The Good News about God coming to save mankind was being proclaimed through the Praetorian Guard and right into Caesar's court. You might say Paul’s pulpit was right in Caesar's palace. I have a friend who visits women in jail and she never knows what to expect when she shows up on any particular night. But looking back, no matter what happens, she can see the good that comes from the out of control circumstances that run counter to what she had planned. The difficulty or confusion cuts through the opposition in the spiritual realm and gets her to the person who was in need that particular night!
There could be circumstances in our lives that hedge us in and handicap us . . . test us and tempt us. Hope that is not realized. Illness or other difficult circumstances that hamper us. People in authority throwing us way off schedule and off kilter taking control of details we thought we had under control. Just maybe these circumstances that tend to fence us in are really opportunities for cutting through the opposition. Maybe we are pioneers in a new wilderness God has seen the need to place us in. These limitations placed on us could be when our best work for the Lord is performed because we are more dependent on Him.
As Paul proclaimed in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in disgrace, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
For when I am weak, then I am strong. Now that just doesn't make sense in the world we live in does it? Well it's not supposed to make sense to the world around us. Only the ones born of God and realizing their circumstances are "cutting through the opposition" can identify with that kind of attitude.
Lord, help us all to realize that your grace is sufficient in all our circumstances; that you will never leave us or forsake us; that you are our strength. Help us to remember and trust in your promises. We will break through the opposition and reveal your glory in our lives that others may see and believe.
Mark Phelps
Over the years God has gradually changed my behavior. These changes have come mostly through what I’ve learned in the difficulties and struggles of my life. Some hard fought battles in my life have helped me to have the ability to better control my personality and I would even say have changed my personality.
I believe God truly gave me a gift through the crucible of my failures, struggles, disappointments and difficulties. For those of you who know my abuse history let me explain this part. Much of what was done to me in the form of physical and mental abuse was just evil. And God truly hates evil. So while God never sanctioned someone else’s evil as being a change agent in my life, I have learned so much from God as I have struggled through my life. And it was God who truly helped me change as I went through a very long healing process.
I am talking about the kind of struggles and difficulties that hit hard and kept hitting and kicking and striking me in my heart and my body, and they keep hitting and kicking me over and over in ways that seem to never stop. For those of you who have been abused, you know how it feels to let go and move past the horrible aftermath of abuse. And if you’re like me, you can understand how often I pleaded with the Lord to change certain circumstances and situations in my life and His answer has continued to be a clear ‘No’.
But I hope to explain how I understand this “no” from God. I see that He has allowed me to live out my life day by day having to lean on Him instead of having the instantaneous resolution to my problems that I wanted. God instead allowed me to go through the difficult journey of healing that most of us from long-term abuse have to go through.
I have read the Apostle Paul repeatedly in my lifetime and he is one of my heroes. Both a powerful teacher and preacher and yet very tender hearted toward those who were going through difficult circumstances. Paul had something he repeatedly asked God to take away from him in the form of some difficult circumstance. Like Paul, God’s answer to my pleading for deliverance has been: “My grace is sufficient for you. For my strength is made perfect in weakness!” In Paul’s case and in my case, we learned amazing things about God in having been left to actually live through our difficult circumstances. I believe we both became much better men for it. And we had to learn to rely on God all the time to get through.
This is how I understand God’s grace: Grace is the hand of God working in my heart and life circumstances so that I have His strength to endure tough things with patient joyfulness. And let’s be real, on some days just to endure! I believe God will give me, in whatever my circumstances, the strength I need to allow His grace to work in my life. And this is a gift in my life. Grace is a big concept and it has worked out in my life in a whole lot of ways. Sometimes it’s come in my ability to keep breathing and take the next step. Sometimes it has been in my ability to accept help from another human being when my perpetrator told me seeking help was a weakness. Sometimes that grace has come in seeing a baby smile or a flower grow in the desert and realize that there are little joys that come with each day.
And whenever this gift of grace comes in my life I have gradually learned to accept it and submit to whatever circumstance is in front of me and accept the beautiful good He can bring from that circumstance. Part of what I’ve learned is that God keeps being faithful and getting me through tough times so I’ve learned to be less fearful when a new one comes along. I’ve come to understand God can give me the power to deal with the circumstance and the grace to move through it, and that the grace is truly from His hand. And it’s definitely not just me “gutting it through.”
I often will keep pleading and seeking a different answer from God as escape from the pain of a difficult situation. I don’t think God minds in the least that I do this! But in the mean time I accept and submit to the circumstances at hand. Instead of complaining and being filled with anger. I tell the Lord while I wait for Him I need His grace so I can keep perspective. Often I think of that verse that says “We don’t have the right to claim that we have done anything on our own. God gives us what it takes to do all that we do.” So routinely as I am going through experiences I am thanking God for His help in real time. He really is giving me what I need to take each step. I have seen this through experience. I am not just saying this because it sounds good!
Does this mean that God’s grace will always stop the trial or difficulty? No, that’s not the promise. The promise is: “My grace is sufficient because my strength is made perfect in your weakness.” Notice the weakness often remains. God will give us the strength to endure the trial and let it work its perfect work.
James, a Bible author, says: “My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy.” Now that can only happen when you receive the grace of God in to your situation. James goes on to say: “because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need.” The strength of Christ is made real in my life in the midst of my weaknesses. Oh how this flies in the face of the world’s system of thinking! The world sees weakness not as a sign of victory but a sign of failure. But in the kingdom of God, being weak physically gives God an opportunity to really advance His purposes in our lives. Or it could be weak emotionally, or weak in any way that causes us to have to rely on someone outside our circumstances, and especially on God. That is a hard statement! It means you have to humble yourself and let God orchestrate what you cannot.
James also says: “Blessed is the man who endures temptation for when he has been approved he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” This crown of life is given at the end of life on earth when we see Him face to face.
Paul says: “Therefore most gladly I will boast in my weaknesses . . .” Paul made the decision, by faith, to embrace His weaknesses. Does this mean it is a lack of faith? No! His faith was strong in the Lord. But he said: ‘alright, if you are not going to take this away, Lord, then I want to learn everything about you in the midst of this. I want to learn every facet of who You are. I want to know what this strength is all about. What this power of Christ resting upon me is all about.’ Paul made a decision! “Most gladly therefore I will boast in my weaknesses.” Paul was willing to do the difficult work to bring about the best end.
So what are your weaknesses today? What things are going on right now in your life that you see as weaknesses? Are they physical weaknesses? Do you have disabilities or deformities? Do you have a debilitating disease or sickness that is not being healed? Are your weaknesses emotional? Do you suffer from bouts of depression or tend to always see the world in a negative mindset? Are you regularly seeing yourself through the verbal abuse you grew up with, battling it all the time? Or maybe your weaknesses are relational. It seems that no matter who you strike up a friendship with no one will allow you to get close with them. Or vice versa. Or perhaps you have experienced an unbearable loss which could never be compensated for in this life and the pain is never ending! No matter in what way God chooses to answer your prayers in these matters, one thing is certain. His grace is sufficient for you. It really is.
Paul says “this thorn in the flesh (this difficulty) was given to me as a gift. Most gladly then; I take pleasure in…” Something clicked in Paul where he saw that this power of Christ resting upon him was worth the sufferings . . . it was a decision on his part to make that statement. This is one of the hardest decisions to make! The Bible says once we belong to Christ that we are put to death on the cross with Christ, and I do not live anymore—it is Christ who lives in me. I still live in my body, but I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself to save me.” Some folks called it the “crucified” life because our old sin nature is put on the cross. What this means is our sin nature is going to end up on the cross a little bit every day . . . with our permission. And our help! But with the Lord right in the middle of that with His grace. It is not anymore that my life will be for ‘my benefit, my good feelings but it is whatever you want Lord. I ask God’s help to allow me to submit to His work in my life because the glory at the end is worth the temporary suffering. The strongest step of faith for me is to surrender and submit to the Lord in this way.
Paul mentions five areas of hardship that were going on in his life in his description of his suffering. And eventually Paul got to the point in his life where he embraced these five areas. But he did this all for Christ and not because of a lack of wisdom or a lack of tact on his part. Let’s look at the five areas.
Weaknesses for Christ’s sake! Physical afflictions that we have no control over. They include sicknesses, diseases, deformities . . . any weakness in our bodies. Paul said he was going to ask God for His strength and His grace in his infirmities.
Disgrace for Christ’s sake! This could include slander of character, malice on the part of others misrepresenting our motives, rejection by those you love.
Needs for Christ’s sake! These needs come as a result of choosing to live a godly life in Christ Jesus. It may include being written out of the will because you became a believer in Christ. It may have to do with the hardship or real lack in your life that comes in the midst of obeying what God has set before you to do. There are times because of the economy or some other reason you lose your job. And all of a sudden you are faced with desperate need and your family’s needs are at stake and there is this tremendous pressure on you. Wait a second. God said “My grace is sufficient for you.” Hold the line. Look to God. Is God really in charge of your future or is it just people? If God is in charge of your future and you have lost your job, God will help you find a way. He is not surprised by this circumstance in your life. He is not puzzled. He knows what to do. So you have to trust Him and say ‘okay God give me your grace to patiently and joyfully endure and keep my focus on you.’
Persecutions for Christ’s sake! Sometimes this happens! The Bible says “All who live a godly life in Christ Jesus WILL suffer persecution. When you make a decision to really obey the word of God, even when it is difficult, you are going to end up being persecuted eventually by someone because you are going to end up eventually having to take a stand that is going to be unpopular. It could mean the loss of a relationship. It could mean trouble, physical persecution, physical attack and harm. Something may be done to you which causes you complete upheaval in your life.
Distresses for Christ’s sake! This has to do with the dangers and pressures that come against you while you seek to do what is right in God’s sight according to His word. You stand up and blow the whistle and say ‘wait a minute that’s not right, you can’t be doing that, that’s illegal.’ And someone says ‘you keep quiet or you lose your job.’ That’s a press. That’s a stress. What do you do? “My grace is sufficient for you, do not fear.” Walk in love and do what is right.
Paul says: “I take pleasure in weaknesses, disgrace, needs, persecutions and distresses because I get to watch what God is going to do.” Isn’t that what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount? To rejoice, jump for joy, spin around in joy when you are persecuted for His name’s sake for so were the prophets persecuted before you. Blessed are you when men persecute you, say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake. We have to learn that God’s grace is sufficient. We have to stop complaining and say: ‘okay God I’m going to take a different strategy because I want the real deal. I don’t want to play church. I want the real deal! If you say your grace is sufficient then you are going to have to show me what that means. And I’m asking you. I’m coming to your throne of grace to find mercy and grace in time of need. So Lord, show me what that is!’
What does it look like when the strength of Christ is working in us? We find that no matter what the matter is it does not take out our hope. We are confident of His hand being with us, His presence never leaving us, and His ability to take care of our future. And this becomes a witness to the world of God’s glory. Not because we have no problems but precisely because we do. And we walk through them in a unique way because God is stepping through each day with us.
This reminds me of what Paul spoke about when writing to the Philippians. "I want you brothers and sisters to know that what has happened to me has helped to spread the Good News." Philippians 1:12
The word "spread" is an interesting word used here. The Greek word used for spread is "Prokope. "Pro” means forward and “Kopto” means to cut. It could mean something like a pioneer cutting his way through thick brush. We might picture in our military, the Seabees plowing through the obstacles to make way for an outpost or runway for planes. You might say cutting through the opposition.
Here we have Paul with his liberty gone, chained to a guard continually. In a way you could say he was fenced in. He was limited and handicapped. Paul's circumstances were not at all desirable.
But he says that these circumstances have actually turned out to be cutting through the opposition.
The Good News about God coming to save mankind was being proclaimed through the Praetorian Guard and right into Caesar's court. You might say Paul’s pulpit was right in Caesar's palace. I have a friend who visits women in jail and she never knows what to expect when she shows up on any particular night. But looking back, no matter what happens, she can see the good that comes from the out of control circumstances that run counter to what she had planned. The difficulty or confusion cuts through the opposition in the spiritual realm and gets her to the person who was in need that particular night!
There could be circumstances in our lives that hedge us in and handicap us . . . test us and tempt us. Hope that is not realized. Illness or other difficult circumstances that hamper us. People in authority throwing us way off schedule and off kilter taking control of details we thought we had under control. Just maybe these circumstances that tend to fence us in are really opportunities for cutting through the opposition. Maybe we are pioneers in a new wilderness God has seen the need to place us in. These limitations placed on us could be when our best work for the Lord is performed because we are more dependent on Him.
As Paul proclaimed in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in disgrace, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
For when I am weak, then I am strong. Now that just doesn't make sense in the world we live in does it? Well it's not supposed to make sense to the world around us. Only the ones born of God and realizing their circumstances are "cutting through the opposition" can identify with that kind of attitude.
Lord, help us all to realize that your grace is sufficient in all our circumstances; that you will never leave us or forsake us; that you are our strength. Help us to remember and trust in your promises. We will break through the opposition and reveal your glory in our lives that others may see and believe.
Mark Phelps
Friday, July 10, 2015
This World Is Not Our Home
Why should we be discouraged?
What is our expectation as Christians living on this earth?
Do we expect smooth sailing? There is honestly no way we could get that idea from reading the Bible!
Do we want our government to always support our faith in their laws and judicial decisions?
Is our purpose to change our culture and its values or is our purpose to seek and save the lost, and build up the body of Christ with the gifts we have been given?
How are we to live?
Perhaps you are discouraged because our culture is becoming less and less like God wants it to be and you feel our country is less and less comfortable to live in. I understand this. But in light of our purpose here on earth, how are we to live?
“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself."
Our hope is not here in this life, but we are going to be here for a while until this body, this church is complete. And we are scattered all over this earth in every nation and under all forms of political systems. And God gives us instruction through Paul in (1Timothy 2:1-3) on how we are to conduct ourselves here in this life now while living in anticipation of His coming back for us and our being with Him.
"Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior…” 1Timothy 2:1-3
Remember at the time Paul wrote this that Nero, one of the harshest, most evil rulers that ever lived was ruling the Roman Empire and Paul would soon face him and would be eventually beheaded. We are to pray for our leaders that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence.
Paul goes on in (1Timothy 2:4) to say "who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 1Timothy 2:4
God desires that all be saved and who knows which leader might just come to that saving knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ because of our prayers. Some won't come to that knowledge and will be cruel toward Christians and many members of the church will suffer. But God has purposes and plans for His world in spite of persecution and He will continue to build His church. And when it is complete our Savior will come for it. We are to remember what our purpose is in this life now and where our true citizenship is and where our true hope lies. And keep reminding ourselves any time our courage starts to wane.
Let's just remember from our view point when everything looks like it is coming apart, it could be just coming together. It doesn't matter where we are living in this world or under what circumstances, God is intimately connected with us in this and His love is ever present through what we are going through. This Church, His Body belongs to Him. And we who are made in His image have been given the very big task of taking on the things God cares about. Injustice, human trafficking, caring for orphaned children and desperate widows, to meet with those in prison, and to feed the hungry.
These big jobs are not ones we delegate back to God. We ask for God’s help, but we are the laborers in the fields. And one day, a day only the Father knows, the Lord will bring us together as one and raise us up to meet Him in the air. We mustn't allow this hope of heaven to get bogged down in the problems of this world system. We are living in the world but we are not OF the world. Our anticipation of one day getting to be with the Lord on the New Earth with Him should be at the forefront of our thinking continually. Encouraging us!
I don’t want you to be frightened or discouraged. God’s purpose has not changed. And we are not surprised if those who do not know God do what they want to do and don’t acknowledge God and His will. We would be doing the same were it not for God. Let's remember "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
So instead of focusing on painful changes in our culture, and being frightened by changes lets focus on finding those who are lost and need a Savior. And let’s encourage one another in our daily lives and pray for our leaders so we perhaps can still have some peace in our lives.
It is not outside the realm of possibility to expect far worse as we follow Christ. We know we must enter heaven through much tribulation. So far we have not resisted sin to the point where we are bleeding as Christ bled. Paul provides a more realistic expectation when he writes: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”
Most of us have not had to endure hardship to this degree, yet, in our country. Let us persevere and not faint in well doing. Let’s find those who need a Savior and encourage one another today while today is still today.
Even so come Lord Jesus! But in the meantime, Lord, find us faithful doing your work. With a will and a certain hope that you are coming!
Mark Phelps
What is our expectation as Christians living on this earth?
Do we expect smooth sailing? There is honestly no way we could get that idea from reading the Bible!
Do we want our government to always support our faith in their laws and judicial decisions?
Is our purpose to change our culture and its values or is our purpose to seek and save the lost, and build up the body of Christ with the gifts we have been given?
How are we to live?
Perhaps you are discouraged because our culture is becoming less and less like God wants it to be and you feel our country is less and less comfortable to live in. I understand this. But in light of our purpose here on earth, how are we to live?
“For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself."
Our hope is not here in this life, but we are going to be here for a while until this body, this church is complete. And we are scattered all over this earth in every nation and under all forms of political systems. And God gives us instruction through Paul in (1Timothy 2:1-3) on how we are to conduct ourselves here in this life now while living in anticipation of His coming back for us and our being with Him.
"Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior…” 1Timothy 2:1-3
Remember at the time Paul wrote this that Nero, one of the harshest, most evil rulers that ever lived was ruling the Roman Empire and Paul would soon face him and would be eventually beheaded. We are to pray for our leaders that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence.
Paul goes on in (1Timothy 2:4) to say "who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 1Timothy 2:4
God desires that all be saved and who knows which leader might just come to that saving knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ because of our prayers. Some won't come to that knowledge and will be cruel toward Christians and many members of the church will suffer. But God has purposes and plans for His world in spite of persecution and He will continue to build His church. And when it is complete our Savior will come for it. We are to remember what our purpose is in this life now and where our true citizenship is and where our true hope lies. And keep reminding ourselves any time our courage starts to wane.
Let's just remember from our view point when everything looks like it is coming apart, it could be just coming together. It doesn't matter where we are living in this world or under what circumstances, God is intimately connected with us in this and His love is ever present through what we are going through. This Church, His Body belongs to Him. And we who are made in His image have been given the very big task of taking on the things God cares about. Injustice, human trafficking, caring for orphaned children and desperate widows, to meet with those in prison, and to feed the hungry.
These big jobs are not ones we delegate back to God. We ask for God’s help, but we are the laborers in the fields. And one day, a day only the Father knows, the Lord will bring us together as one and raise us up to meet Him in the air. We mustn't allow this hope of heaven to get bogged down in the problems of this world system. We are living in the world but we are not OF the world. Our anticipation of one day getting to be with the Lord on the New Earth with Him should be at the forefront of our thinking continually. Encouraging us!
I don’t want you to be frightened or discouraged. God’s purpose has not changed. And we are not surprised if those who do not know God do what they want to do and don’t acknowledge God and His will. We would be doing the same were it not for God. Let's remember "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7
So instead of focusing on painful changes in our culture, and being frightened by changes lets focus on finding those who are lost and need a Savior. And let’s encourage one another in our daily lives and pray for our leaders so we perhaps can still have some peace in our lives.
It is not outside the realm of possibility to expect far worse as we follow Christ. We know we must enter heaven through much tribulation. So far we have not resisted sin to the point where we are bleeding as Christ bled. Paul provides a more realistic expectation when he writes: “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”
Most of us have not had to endure hardship to this degree, yet, in our country. Let us persevere and not faint in well doing. Let’s find those who need a Savior and encourage one another today while today is still today.
Even so come Lord Jesus! But in the meantime, Lord, find us faithful doing your work. With a will and a certain hope that you are coming!
Mark Phelps
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